Are You Busy Trying to Accomplish Someone Else's Goals?
Sometimes, we feel like we're spinning our wheels because we just don't want the same things our younger selves wanted.
Do you remember show and tell in kindergarten? My memories of show and tell aren’t crystal clear, but I can remember two things distinctly. First, that feeling of excitement about bringing your item to “show,” figuring out what you want to bring, and trying to find something that might win you some “cool points” with your fellow 5-year-olds. Next, I recall that feeling being washed over when I saw what someone else brought, suddenly wishing that I had what they had, and usually telling myself that my “show” wasn’t nearly as cool as the other kids’ stuff.
This came to mind recently as I was going back through my head to figure out how I got here my career. I never imagined I would be a solo practitioner, or a lawyer coach, or an entrepreneur. But I took these steps only after I was disillusioned from following someone else’s dreams for nearly a decade.
You see, when I was in law school, I never planned on ending up in BigLaw. I wanted to use my legal education to help those in need, to advocate for just causes, and to hold corporate America accountable. But those dreams started to fade into the background when my 2L year began alongside a once-in-a-lifetime recession that rocked the legal job market to the core. To be honest, my fear got the better of me. I was afraid of not finding a job, I was afraid I’d default on my student loans, I was afraid that I’d waste nearly $200,000 paid toward my education and end up doing a job that didn’t even require law school. So, I decided to follow someone else’s dream, and became a litigation attorney at a series of high-powered Manhattan law firms.
For years, I sucked up the misery, figuring that I could push through it in service of a more laudable goal…personal financial security. I told myself that I really cared about making partner, even though I really just wanted to make more money. The funny thing is, even though I was earning more than I could have imagined back in those kindergarten days, I felt less secure than ever. And I had no idea how telling my inner voice to shut up in 2008 and ignoring my personal calling had directly undermined my wellbeing and happiness.
Just like show-and-tell, I had abandoned what I was really authentically excited about to chase something that was never and would never be personally fulfilling to me. But it took me nearly a decade to even see that I had made this decision. And once I saw it, it took some time and introspection to dig deep and figure out what fulfilling work looked like to me.
And I see way too many of my friends, colleagues, and former law school classmates in the same boat. Can you see some of this in your career path?
Did you abandon your personal goals to impress your friends, family, or colleagues? Did you judge yourself for wanting to pursue a career or practice area that other people thought was wasteful or foolish? Did you tell yourself that you could tolerate the shitty work for long enough to make it worth it?
Regardless of our history or career progression, we can all start to explore things from a different perspective and consider what kind of work might really bring our passions into the sunlight.
So, how can you reconnect to your career purpose? Take an hour to yourself this weekend and ask yourself the following questions:
How have your values and priorities shifted since you decided “what you want to do"?
Our priorities shift a little bit with each day, and particularly with major life events. It may have been years since you last really thought about your ideal job, or since you considered the possibility of different work. Kids, spouses, and other “adulting” responsibilities can sometime make previous lofty accomplishments feel less fulfilling.
Does your current day-to-day life reflect your core values?
If you’re doing work that makes you feel “icky” inside, consider the cost of that. How does that impact your confidence, your relationships, your joy?
What are the good things about your job, the work, and the employer? How might you be able to intentionally bring more of your values to the table in your current role?
Where do you really want to be in 5, 10, 20 years?
Is the work you’re doing now going to get you there?
What changes might you need to make to get on that track?
Have fun with this, and really try to picture yourself in your ideal future. Add whatever details help this to feel real. And don’t force anything. Just let your mind explore options without the judgment of your hyper-rational-lawyer-self and see what comes up.
Don’t be surprised if you find the stirrings of your next passion project or career transition.
By the way, even though I shied away from my kindergarten show and tell, I really still think my Castle Greyskull was the coolest toy in the room way back when.